Really?

To my creepy internet stalker:  

You know who you are.  

And just for the record, you're not fooling anyone. Everybody else knows who you are, too.  

So I have this message for you. Please stop. For your own good, please, stop! This is unhealthy. You must move on. You must put the past behind you. It will do you no good to continue seeking me out online, peeking into myspace and facebook, lurking through the blog, and oh, yes, breaking into my email.  

Let's just be clear on this. I am not an idiot. I am smart enough to realize what you are doing. I am sorry that you are not smart enough to cover your tracks. It would have been a little more clever to limit your internet stalking to public domains, such as facebook and myspace- my accounts on which I am deleting to protect you from your unhealthy obsession- and perhaps the occasional peek at my blog... but really, did you think that I wouldn't notice your tampering with my accounts? Did you not learn quite a while ago that my tampering with my email will only bring you pain? Truly, I feel that I must say to you: Bad ideas! All!  

Let's be honest here: what do you benefit from this? Nothing. The more time you waste checking up on me, the more time you take away from moving forward with your life. Really... don't you want to get on with it? Is there any real benefit to checking up on me? Does it bring you great joy to find out that I am full of... well, great joy? I don't know what it is you are looking for as you keep your internet vigil. Whatever it is, I am 100% sure that YOU WILL NOT FIND IT. Keeping a cyber eye on me can bring you nothing. It is quite possible that this taste of voyeurism is elevating into something more of the addiction variety... as I recall, you are somewhat susceptible to that particular malady.  

So please. Stop. I don't care what of my public postings, rants, raves, etc., you look at, but it would be nice not to have to change my passwords every 2 weeks. I highly, highly recommend that you cease and desist this unhealthy habit before it consumes you. And your life. Oh, and your girlfriend. Likely it's not helping that relationship much either.  

And for the rest of you who read this... sorry to make you wade through it, and sorry that I'm not going to be playing around all those fun little social networking sites anymore. But it appears that the only way to really communicate with Creepy Internet Stalker is to secretly and indirectly send him messages through subliminal communication. Not that this was subliminal, but hopefully he "stumbled" upon it.  

Oh, and by the way, if you think that you might be Creepy Internet Stalker's girlfriend, you probably are. I suggest you head for the hills... or at the very least, start snooping through his apartment. You'll probably find some invaluable information.